“Sawadee Kha” (Hello) from Thailand!

Today is not the first day of our trip and this is not my first blog here about my trip. I apologize. I was planning on updating this blog/my personal blog frequently, but there is not enough time! Butttttt that does not mean that you have to miss out on what’s been happening! No! If you have not looked already go to: teamthailand2012.tumblr.com there you will find posts from me and my team mates telling you all that we have been doing and all that God has been doing. 

There is a song called God of this City written by Bluetree. The first few times I heard it I didn’t really get it. This was because I didn’t know the context of the song and also because of where my heart was at at the time. Then I heard the story. Those who wrote the song were in an area described popularly as the red light district. Overcome by what they were seeing and experiencing, they began singing and this song was born. It talks about how God is the God of the city they were in despite what seemed like the lack of His presence.

The lyrics of this song describe perfectly our prayer while we are here. We have seen things and heard stories of things that are so horrific they seem almost unimaginable. We’ve prayed since the beginning that God would break our hearts for the people of Thailand and what is going on here and He has been doing just that. But, despite all of the darkness we see and the horrible things that are happening here, God is still the God of this city. That we know for sure and have been seeing clearly! He has shown us the problem and the disgusting face that it has, but He has also shown us how He is using His children here to be lights in this dark place. We have had the blessed opportunity to visit and work with TawSaeng, Creative International, New Life, and Lighthouse in Action (Wongen Kafe) here in Chiang Mai and we have been able to see that all is not lost. People are lost, but their Shepherd knows exactly where they are and is calling them and fighting to rescue them. God is definitely saving His children from the depths of dispare and deception through these ministries. He is still the God of this city and because of that we can proclaim through the darkness still that there is no one like our God!

Please continue to pray for us as we are here for a little over a week still. Each day we are falling more in love with the people and the children we are working with, but being on a trip like this does not come with out difficulty. The days are long and the darkness is great. Pray that we would stand in the strength of our King and that as we walk these streets and talk to those around us that we would be lights in this darkness!

There is no one like our God!

I love you all!

This blog has become an inconsistent documentation of my life over the past year or so, only being used when seemingly important things occur that people may care to know about. I’m going to Thailand for three weeks. Woohoo! Right?! For three weeks I will be loving and serving the Thai people in Jesus’ name! Woohoo! Right?! AND SO, This trip now falls into this category of journey and discovery and so a time people may care to know about.

So here I am now blogging again!

During my three weeks while in this new place I will be occasionally allowed the ability to inform people of the happenings of my team and myself and so I will do my best to write those happenings here and possibly post pictures etc. I ask for your patience as well as your intrigue as you’ll need both to continue to desire to look at this! :)

For now I don’t have much to say because I am still in America, but please keep us in your prayers as we have a big flight ahead! Please pray for our safety and our health as we embark on this journey! This will be a time of journey and discovery and I pray that, as well other experience found on these digital pages, it will be a time that will change me forever and a time I will never forget!

Also, here is a link to our team blog which will be updated (more) frequently as well!

teamthailand2012.tumblr.com

I journeyed this year. In 365 days I was in Connecticut then California, then Colorado, then Connecticut, then California, then Canada, then Tennessee, then Connecticut, then California, then Connecticut again. (Bringing us to the present). And through out my geographical journey I’ve realized I was also on a spiritual journey. I’ve realized recently that my eyes were being covered unknowingly by myself to anything but myself, leaving me with a desire to live for God but an inability to TRULY do that. I began 2011 was a tight grasp on my future. I had an idea of what my future would look like and I held it with white knuckles. I had decided I was going to be a singer/songwriter. I had decided that in order to do that I had to give it my everything. I had decided, and so I did. I poured my time and attention into writing songs, playing shows, and shifting my life to be centered around shaping my musical career because I had been told that that’s what you have to do to “make it” (and it is…mostly). I lost sight of many things and let go of many things, things that I should not have. I was alone but I was doing it!

September 10, 2011 that all changed. Praise God. The cover over my eyes that I had placed there and the weight upon my shoulders as a result of the burden of what it took to do what I felt was my only option, was lifted. I can’t explain it in physical, tangible terms. All I can say is that I believe in a God that saves and redeems and I believe that is what He did in me. What was I saved and redeemed from? Myself! From the weight of my own glory and the cover of my own blindness that I am all that matters in life. He removed those hindrances from me and all of a sudden I could see those around me. I could see the potential for the “anything”. I could see the depth of the love of the God that I had been living for and the depth of what it took to truly live in that love and for that love. I could see beyond myself for the first time in a long time and I felt free. I felt joy and peace like I never had before! For the glory of God I tell you this because for His glory do I live.

And so I could list all of my accomplishments from this year, all the things I learned, all the mistakes I made, all the new people that came into my life and left my life, but the direction of that attention would be on the one person that I realize now deserves no special attention. Myself. So instead of debriefing the past 365 days for everyone to see, all I will say is this:

I began this year as one person and am now ending it as a person slightly older, slightly more educated, and slightly more humbled. But ultimately I am as equally stubborn, as equally selfish and so as equally in need of redemption and grace.

The only thing about the direction of my life that I know for sure is that I don’t know for sure what the direction of my life is specifically. But I DO know that “I lean not on my own understanding. My life is in the hands of the maker of heaven!” and because of that I seek His glory alone and seek His face and His love in the midst of the unknown, for He knows.

2012 here I come!

It’s amazing how the brain works in relation to time, settings and memories. Seeing a face you haven’t seen in years, or returning to a location you haven’t been to in months can make the time in between those months almost disappear as the book ends of those experiences come together to make it feel like no time has passed at all. It’s fantastic and haunting at the same time.

I’m currently at a place where many memories were formed, many lessons were learned and many deep friendships were begun, and it all feel like yesterday. Thanks to my intricate brain I feel as though familiar faces will soon come into view walking out a familiar door.

As I sit here overwhelmed by the tidal wave of memories and emotions I am reminded of how blessed I was to encounter this place and how blessed I am now to be able to return to it again and make new memories, learn new lessons, and hopefully make new friendships.

This blog is titled Journey and Discovery and rightfully so. As I continue on this path I will attempt to update this for those of you that care to know.

16 hours later I’m back to familiarity.

Two thoughts in my head:

1. I’ve been watching a lot of The Cosby Show lately. As I watch the lives of Cliff and Claire Huckstable and their children, I feel as though I am part of the family. I love their ability to love each other while not being afraid of hurting each others feelings or upsetting each other. Their blunt honesty is what I crave for in relationships and so I also appreciate the fact that they love each other enough to say “no” and to call it like it is. People in my life tend to leave out these components and there is not much that frustrates me more. I realize it is just a TV show so I won’t continue to express my enjoyment of it, but I will say one more thing, Bill Cosby is hilarious and is able to make me laugh in a way that I hope my husband (if ever there is someone by that title) will.

2. I am a pianist. Today I spent at least 3 hours playing our old, red, upright piano and I loved it. I learned the song, Grenade by Bruno Mars just for fun. This song has a stimulating beat, and a beautiful sound coupled with graphic lyrics depicting devotion to someone to the point of being extremely physically injured for their sake (for example, “I’d throw my hand on a blade for ya”). Looking past the extreme lyrics to the decently simple piano groove I was reminded 1. A simple chord progression can be fantastically enhanced by just one chord, 2. I am one of many. And when you’re one of many you have to be better than the most to make it anywhere.

Admittedly I have more thoughts but that’s all for now.

Love. Fear. Joy. Anger. Excitement. Heart ache. Devastation. Calm.

Emotion.

Often described as a cloud or pressure or an overwhelming sensation, emotion makes up who we are.

I sat in a room tonight full of people who felt so deeply that their emotion flowed out of their eyes. Tears of the truest kind, shed for their brother and friend. The cleansing water that allowed the built up pressure of their emotions to release and take tactile form. In these moments I have the blessed opportunity to see people’s true hearts, to see who they really are. In these moments I am reminded how blessed I am by those I’ve had the opportunity to meet in my short life so far. In these honest and vulnerable moments I see God and the overwhelming truth that we are merely weak and he is gloriously strong.

Yesterday I was driving on campus and I came across a duck standing in the middle of the road. Her feet were on the thickly painted yellow line dividing the right side of the road from the left. She was facing the direction that seemed like the natural destination for a duck crossing the road, but she was no longer actively crossing. She was standing. I drove past her slowly and the whole time she did not move. She just stood there looking around.

Strange.

But I can relate.

She was able to figure out where she wanted to go and what she wanted to do, finally. She took those courageous steps, the ones that got her to the risky and vulnerable place where she was. There was so much road around her. Standing in the middle she could go any direction. But the problem was there was still no clear direction for her. She could stand there wondering about the options and dreaming about the destinations. But staying standing in the middle still makes her a coward. She could still get hit by a car, realizing that she never took the step that really mattered. The step that took her from half way there to more than half way there, and hopefully on to somewhere.

Yesterday I found myself relating to a duck.

Hello all!!

I have some news. Recently I have been taking more active steps towards my musical career. They are small steps, but that’s how it all begins. The post above this one is a link to my new music Facebook page, and the link included in this post is the link to a video featuring me performing at a recent show.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MpkC7pA1ok

so…

1. Check it all out.

2. “Like” my page if you’re on Facebook.

3. Tell your friends.

4. Keep a look out for more news, shows, and music to come!

There is a current in our midst.

        A current of entitlement.

            A current of selfishness.

             A current of deceit

        A current of a lack of commitment.

I fear a lack of commitment.

I long for a sense of commitment.

I long for answers.

I rest in peace.